Welcome to The Groove Tube, a weekly recap of the highlights (and lowlights) of some of the scripted TV shows I'm watching (in order of preference).
"Sex is Divine" (Episode 7/April 8, 2012)
Hottest Hunk of the Week: A shirtless Blaine (played by Mark Deklin).
Hottest Hunk of the Week Runner-Up: Carlene's younger brother Luke (played by Eric Winter).
Best Charity of the Week: Carlene's favorite is "For Children with Something".
Best Shot of the Week: Amanda accidentally shot Carlene in the right buttock while hunting in the woods.
Most Fabulous Couple of the Week: Blake and Cricket, who decided to have another child.
Best Engagement of the Week: Burl and Gigi's.
Best Private Plane: Blake and Cricket's amusingly swanky jet.
Best Adult Film: Romancing the Bone, which taught Sharon's husband a few groovy sexual moves.
Best Aphrodisiac: The intimate bath scene between Laurence Olivier and Tony Curtis in the 1960 film, Spartacus, got Blake and Cricket all hot and bothered enough to have sex with each other.
Grade: A (GCB continues to be a light and silly scenery-chewing show that is fun to watch)
Ratings: 5.25 million viewers, #3 in time period with 3.5 rating/6 share
5.22 million viewers, #3 in time period with 3.4 rating/6 share
Best Guest Star of the Week Runner-Up: The lovely Mädchen Amick as Don's former lover, Andrea Rhodes. I still fondly remember the actress from her roles on Twin Peaks and Central Park West.
Best Return and Exit of the Week and Hottest Hunk of the Week Honorable Mention: 35-year-old Sam Page as Joan's husband, Greg Harris, who briefly returned home from Vietnam (the character is a creep, but the actor is nice eye candy - especially in his tight white T-shirt).
Worst Scene of the Week: I felt the same way that new copywriter Michael Ginsberg did about his co-workers looking at the lurid photos of the Richard Speck murders - they're sickos! It just didn't seem believable that he was the only one who seemed disturbed by the horrible crime.
Best Retro TV Commercial of the Week: The Mystery Date game commercial.
Funniest Scene of the Week: Roger got Peggy to help him with an ad campaign by paying her $400.
Most Amusing Prop of the Week: Pauline's knife.
Best Fight of the Week: Joan and Greg exchanged nasty verbal blows before she bid him good riddance.
Most Awkward Moment of the Week: Peggy and Don's secretary Dawn both looked at Peggy's purse, which contained a big wad of cash.
Most Bizarre Dream of the Week: An ill Don dreamed that he had sex with Andrea and later choked her to death.
Most Bizarre Retro Song of the Week: The Crystals' 1962 song, "He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)", which played during the closing credits.
Best Line: "You're not a good man. You never were, even before we were married, and you know what I'm talking about" - Joan to Greg (referring to the time he raped her on the office floor during the show's second season).
Grade: B+ (one of the oddest episodes of the series with its uneasy mixture of the Richard Speck murders, Don's "don't cheat on your wife" fever dream, and the dark comedy of Pauline's inappropriate behavior while looking after Sally)
Ratings: 2.75 million viewers, 1.0 rating (adults 18-49)
Worst Plot Twist of the Week: So in order to ruin Tom's relationship with the gorgeous John, the Smash writers made him a Republican. And we're supposed to believe that politics never came up in any previous conversation that this couple had. Yeah, right.
Most Confusing Plot Twist of the Week: I still don't understand how Frank immediately jumped to the conclusion that Julia was having an affair from a song, which could've been for a character in Marilyn or another musical. And why in the world would Julia leave this "incriminating" song lying around? This just seemed like a really dumb way for Frank to learn the truth - but I am glad he finally knows.
Best Guest Star of the Week: The Tony Award-winning Norbert Leo Butz appeared as himself playing the lead role in the hit Broadway musical, Heaven on Earth.
Best Break-up of the Week: Julia and Frank (she needs to be a single lady next season).
Best Musical Performance of the Week: Ivy and Karen's Times Square duet of "Cheers (Drink to That)".
Best Musical Performance of the Week Runner-Up: "The Higher You Get, the Farther You Fall" performed by Norbert Leo Butz and the cast of Heaven on Earth.
Best Confrontation of the Week: I much preferred Frank's confrontation with Michael on the street over his and Julia's weird song drama.
I'll Do Anything Award: This, of course, goes to our favorite little "heterosexual" schemer, Ellis, who offered to sleep with Rebecca's manager in order to achieve his dream of becoming a big Broadway producer. So is he now bisexual - or just a whore?
Best Slap Down of the Week: When Ellis refused to answer any more phones because he thought he was going to become a co-producer of Marilyn, Eileen put him back in his rightful place.
Best New Title of the Week: I do like Bombshell better than Marilyn as the musical's title.
Grade: B- (I hated that they turned John into a Republican, but I did like Ivy and Karen's drunk bonding)
Ratings: 6.03 million viewers, #3 in time period with 4.1 rating/6 share